Father and Son
by Robyn Hood
Summary: A story set in my little AU dealing with just how Kurt met his father and how they built a relationship.
1. Chapter 1

Same as every day, golden eyes fluttered open at approximately seven a.m., bright and ready for the new day. Kurt stretched, the only movement he cared to make just yet, and banished all sleepiness and lethargy from his muscles. Then, he tensed, and with a _bamf_ and explosion of sulfurous smoke, he was gone. His pajamas, still laid out under the blankets in the form of his body, were the only thing that remained to show he had even been there.

The same cloud exploded in his tiny shower, bringing him with it. The bathroom was attached to his room and not far away at all, but there was no _fun_ in getting up and walking there, undressing, and generally doing things the _normal_ way. Kurt much preferred his method, even though it took considerably more energy.

He showered quickly, though it took him awhile to dry the short, thin pelt of fur that covered his body. Blow dryers were loud, annoying, and only made him sweat, but he loathed being wet, so he had to work a bit harder and longer, using two towels, to make sure that he absorbed all of the water that covered him. After that, it didn't take him long at all to brush his teeth and attempt to tame his hair, adding a bit of product and combing the wild, robust curls. They would air dry on their own.

Grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around his waist to head back to his room to get dressed. It wasn't really necessary, but when one lived with a best friend who could phase through walls, one tended to be careful to protect one's modesty. He went through the rest of his routine: dressing, applying cologne, and gathering up his homework and textbooks when something odd caught his eye. A small, off-white envelope sat on his desk, sealed and with his name written in a hasty script.

He didn't recognize the handwriting, but it was of no alarm to him. He lived in a school, with people who could pick locks and walk through doors. It just didn't seem that odd, so he plucked it up with his tail, his hands busy replacing the hangers that formerly held his clothes, and slid the tip of the spade underneath the flap to open it. Inside was folded stationery, of the same off-white coloring and with dark indentations that indicated writing on the other side. Kurt transferred the paper to his hands and plopped down on his bed to read it, imagining it was probably a joke or means of 'secret' communication from a friend. He was wrong. Within a few seconds, his eyebrows had knitted together so close that they threatened to become a unibrow and concern darkened the golden irises that matched their sclera. His chest rose and fell quickly beneath the crisp white button-up and red vest he'd carefully adorned himself with earlier, and he felt tears filling the lower lids of his normally bright eyes.

His mind raced as he read, dropping the first page to read the second, then the third and fourth, and when he finished, he sat there dumbfounded, simply staring at the last word on the page.

_ Avel._

Kurt's tail was uncharacteristically still, his whole body motionless as if he had turned to stone. A tear or two managed to fall without breaking his stupor, only the sound of the crinkling and tearing of paper jerked him from his catatonia. Underneath his dark fur, his knuckles had been turning white from the tightness with which he grasped that single sheet of stationery, and unintentionally, he had ripped it. He pounced into action, falling on his knees as he tried to make the paper mend itself, but for all of his efforts in pushing the pieces of the tiny tear together, it just would not stick.

He couldn't believe he'd damaged something so _precious_, but then again, part of him wanted to pull at the small rip and widen it, shred the whole thing to pieces. He couldn't accurately describe the whirlwind of emotions raging in his chest. Anger, betrayal, hope, hurt, fear…they were only a few. Kurt was convinced he didn't have a word, out of all of the languages he knew, to describe how he _really_ felt.

_ Knock, knock, knock_.

He nearly jumped through the roof.

"Kurt?" Piotr's voice came muffled through the door. "You are late for breakfast. Mr. Cassidy sent me to find you. Are you all right?"

The poor, blue German boy finally found his voice, shaky though it was. "_Ja_, I'll be right down." He cleaned up the papers in a rush, though his oversized fingers were careful not to damage the scattered pieces any further. Shoving them into their envelope, he dumped them in his desk drawer and turned to join the others at breakfast.

…

Kurt couldn't get the letter off his mind all day. He was distracted during his classes, although he was certain that he should have been paying attention because the first tests of the semester were coming up soon. Of course he wouldn't be able to concentrate all day, not with what he'd learned this morning. He was still struggling, of course, and even wondering if it was real. It could be some cruel prank, but it was so _thorough_. It answered so many questions, and he really wanted to believe that this was real and the man behind it was genuine, but he'd been burned before. He didn't trust Avel just because he had written some pretty words on paper.

…

"Kurt? Hello, is anyone in there?" Kitty rapped her knuckles softly across his curls-cushioned skull. "You've been zoned out all day. What's the matter?"

So much was the matter, but he simply smiled and took a bite of his lunch. "Nothing. Just didn't rest well last night, I suppose. I think I will just head to my room after classes, maybe take a nap."

"Are you sure you aren't sick?" Kitty frowned. "You never take naps."

"I do sometimes." Kurt responded, taking his half-full plate to the trash can and letting his uneaten leftovers slide off.

For Kitty, that was a red flag. First he's talking about taking a nap, second, he wasn't eating. He was her best friend, and she knew he usually went back for seconds; he never left food on his plate. "I think you need to go see Dr. McCoy."

"I am just going to head up to my room for a bit until lunch is over, maybe lie down for a few minutes. I will see you later, Kitty." With that, Kurt disappeared into his signature cloud of smoke, punctuating his exit with a _bamf_.

He reappeared in his room, eyes filled with tears. It seemed that he had been focusing on a different part of the letter throughout the day, fixating on a new topic for a time before another one consumed his mind. This one was particularly bothersome.

"She didn't want me." He whispered in German, dropping gracefully into a crouch and staring at the wall in front of him. "I was too strange even for _her_." Burying his face into what he currently considered misshapen hands, he cried.

…

Kurt disappeared into his room after classes, pondering all that he had learned today. He couldn't get it off his mind. Sitting down at his desk, he read and reread the letter, hoping that familiarity would magically bring some form of clarity about what he should do. It didn't.

Finally, he took out one of his notebooks and grabbed a pen, then proceeded to stare at the blue-lined pages for what seemed like hours. He had so much to say, yet no words came. He busied himself with homework, working through algebraic equations and reading chapter reviews, before coming back to the previous task of writing a letter. He still had no idea what to write.

Homework again, then an attempt at letter-writing, then back to homework, and letter-writing again. It continued on and on until he was actually ahead in his schoolwork and exhausted from the overwhelming emotions that had been storming inside him all day. He decided it was time for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt struggled with the letter for days, working through his emotions and striving to achieve normalcy once again. He varied on certain days from anger to elation to devastation, and his peers and teachers noticed. Still, he kept the reason to himself, though he guessed he probably should have alerted one of the senior X-Men that the mansion had been breached. Still, doing so would probably rule out the possibility of Avel's upcoming visit.

He had a month. Avel had promised to visit in a month and check to see if Kurt had a letter for him. So far, Kurt didn't even have a word. On one hand, he wanted to chew out this man for leaving him and being so irresponsible. On another, he was thrilled to think that he had the possibility of _family_ again, and blood family at that: something he'd never had before. So he was angry and happy at the same time, but then there was this pervasive _sadness_. Kurt had finally found out why his birth parents didn't want him, and it hurt. He felt like he'd missed out so much on having a father in his life, but part of him didn't want that father, yet another part did. It was all so confusing, not to mention a bit upsetting finally figuring out that he wasn't even related to the man whose name he carried. He wasn't a Wagner, and he wasn't a Szardos. Avel had only signed with his first name, and Kurt didn't know what he was.

All he knew was that he didn't belong.

…

_ Dear Avel,_

The point of the pen scratched the words out from existence on the paper, covering them with dark ink.

_ Avel,_

Another scribble obscured the words from sight.

_ Father,_

No.

_ Papa,_

Nothing seemed right. Kurt decided to just begin the letter without salutations.

_ I cannot believe you would just come in here like this. Do you not have any respect for me? You teleport in my room while I am __sleeping_, _like some sort of creepy old man, and leave me a letter about your feelings and how sorry you are. It does not make a difference. You did not want me, I do not want you. __No one__ wants me, so why bother? Even if I try with you, I will just end up disappointed. Who is to say that you will not reject me again? What if I am not the son you want? You have probably have ideas about me, and I just __know__ they are all wrong._

_ I had ideas about my birth parents, and I was __very__ wrong! I could not have __been__ more wrong! I met 'Raven'. I know her as Mystique, but I met her. I found out who she was. The resemblance was too obvious for me to not want to investigate. I thought she was the biggest disappointment of my life, but I do not think I can choose between the two of you. I always thought my parents cared for me, that they loved me and had to give me up for some tragic reason, but that they loved me, nonetheless. It was what my adoptive mother told me. Now I know better. No one wants me, no one loves me, no one cares. I am just too much of a burden, too ugly, too __something__. I do not want you, I do not want your apologies, and I most certainly do not want you ever coming back in my room again._

The pen scratched out the last sentence, hiding it beneath ink.

_ Come back in two months. I might want to see you again. I do not know yet._

Kurt sighed, unsatisfied, as he scribbled over the latest addition to his letter again and closed the notebook. He wasn't ready.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Avel,_

_ I can't believe you are alive. Mama told me you were dead, but she also told me that my birth mother was dead too. I met Raven, by the way, though I never knew her real name until now. She always went by Mystique. I am upset, but not surprised to hear that she did not want me. It is just hard to swallow, to think that I was too mutated even for her. It hurts, but thank you for telling me the truth and not sugar-coating it._

_ Your German is fine, do not worry. I can understand you without a problem._

_ Anyway, I do not know what to say. I cannot believe you found me, that I have a father. I want to believe you, I want to believe what you say, that you are sorry and want to work things out. I would like that, too, but it is hard. I have been deceived before, and I do not want to get hurt, but I am willing to try. I hope you understand if I tell the X-Men about you. I need to protect myself, you know._

_ I am not in Mama's family anymore. She doesn't want me. It kind of adds to all of the hurt to know that neither my birth mother or adoptive mother want me. I feel like I must be unlovable, but then again, I do have everyone here at the school. Still, it does not do much to soothe the pain or fill that particular hole in my heart. I want my family back, but I cannot have them. I just hope that Mama and Jimaine are happy without me, and that my brother finds peace._

_ How do you know of the X-Men? You say you were on the other side of things. Like Mystique, then? I want to get to know you, Avel, but I do not feel I can if that is the case, if you are a bad man and there will be problems. I do not want conflict. I do not know you well enough to trust you or put my safety and the safety of others behind finding my father. I am sorry, but this I cannot do._

_ If there will not be problems, though, then I should like to get to know you, maybe meet you, too. I hope to hear from you soon, though next time, leave the letter under the loose stone at the fountain. I will find it._

_ Sincerely, _

_ Kurt_

With a sigh, Kurt stared at the words he'd written, then closed the notebook.

…

_ Avel, _

_ I hope you know this is all your fault. I have no family anymore. I am not with Margali Szardos because she gave me up, sold me to a freak show because she thought I killed her son. I did not, but she never listened to me anyway. Do you know what they did to me there? They treated me like an animal, worse than an animal. They branded me, they made me a spectacle for people to come gawk at, they hurt me. Have you ever lived in a cage? Eaten who-knows-what? Been force-fed for trying to starve yourself to death? Have you ever tried to kill yourself, Avel? I have, and I was punished for it. _

_ I know you say you never had a family, never had a good relationship with your father, but I never had a father and I lost my family. My birth mother didn't want me and tried to kill me because I was too mutated, even for her, though she looks so much like me. I couldn't change myself, and you know what she said to me when I first met her? I asked her why she did not stay shifted and look normal all the time, and she said 'because we shouldn't have to'. The hypocrisy of that woman! I hope I inherited nothing more from the both of you than a mutant ability and some messed up genetics. You both disgust me._

_ If you had been there like you SHOULD have, you could have protected me. You could have stopped my brother from dying. You could have kept me from the bad circus and Stryker's prisons. You know what he made me do? He made me kill someone. He tried to make me kill someone else. I hurt other people because he made me. He made me think Mama and my brother and sister had come to rescue me from the bad circus, and then he took it all away. It was just an illusion, just mind control. The work of a mutant. My family didn't come rescue me. I just got moved from one hell to another. I was beaten there, too. I was hurt, and you were not there to stop him. You were not there when I wandered into Winzeldorf and nearly got staked and burned at the stake. You were not there when they beat me up and tore my clothes, so that by the time I made it home, I was naked and scared and ashamed. You were not there at all and you cannot just come in now, acting all sorry and repentant and nostalgic and expecting to be welcomed with open arms, because you WILL NOT be._

_ I have been hurt, just so you know. I have been hurt a lot, and it is YOUR fault. You could have stopped it, but you were not there, nor will you be there if Professor Xavier gets tired of me too and kicks me out. I keep wondering when that will happen. You will not be there because you cannot possibly care, and even if I do get kicked out, I do not WANT you._

_ Do not bother me again._

_ Kurt._

Writing these letters had become a way of coping, almost like writing in a diary. He'd almost filled his notebook by now. He shut it, knowing that none of the letters were really what he wanted to say, that he would not send any of them. His month was almost up. He was running out of time, and if he didn't get a letter soon, he might lose his chance to have a father for the first time in his life.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Kurt,_

_ I imagine you are wondering who sent this letter and how it got into your bedroom. Well, I am a teleporter, like you, but do not worry for I mean you no harm. All I really want is to get to know you. I have a lot to make up for, and I hqve missed a lot. For all of this, I am sorry. You see, Kurt, you may not believe me, but I am your father. I am a mutant, like you, a teleporter. I hear you inherited my gift, and I see what you do with the X-Men. I am so proud. Already, you are a better man than me. _

_ I apologize for the bluntness of this letter, and for the manner in which it was delivered, but it is so important, I could not trust it to the United States Postal Service. I wanted it delivered to you immediately, safely, and with no chance of getting lost. I have written and rewritten this letter many times and cannot figure out how best to say all of this, so please, bear with me. German is also not my native tongue and it has been awhile since I have used it._

_ I suppose you are wanting to know why I was not around when you were small, why I chose now to contact you, and perhaps even how I found you. I promise, I'll answer all of these. Just please be patient. _

_ I will start with why I left you. It goes back much further than your birth, though. You see, back when I was much, much younger, I met and had a relationship with a woman you might be familiar with. Her name was Margali Szardos. I find myself thinking of her more and more as I get older, wondering what her life has been like, how you turned out, if you loved her as much as I imagined she loved you. I wonder about all of you. I only found out after I left you with her that she had two other children. I also wonder why you are not with her anymore. I hope nothing bad has befallen her and you. Anyway, on with the story. So I dated Margali, but I was a different man back then, and I gather she was a different woman. It just didn't work out and we went our separate ways. Years later, I met another woman. Her name was Raven Wagner. I am sure you recognize the surname. She was a mutant, like me, and living a lie. With her shape-shifting abilities, she had created a character, really, a very beautiful, normal-looking woman, and had moved to Germany and married a much older, yet very rich man, Baron Christian Wagner. I never actually met him, but Raven talked about him sometimes. She tolerated him because she was tired of living on the run, of being persecuted and having to fight for her place in the world. She had finally found peace, and dealing with him was a small price to pay._

_ When we met, I caught her in a rare moment. I don't know why I stopped there, but I was teleporting to somewhere, I did not know where, looking for work. I just simply took a break and stopped there. I was teleporting blind. I knew which direction and how far, and then when I appeared, I saw her. Beautiful, deep blue skin, the same color as yours, fiery red hair, and the most beautiful golden eyes I have ever seen. I think you know where you get some of your looks from now. I doubt you have actually met her, so now you will have an idea about your mother. I will admit that it was a relationship of lust, not love, but in a way, it was more than that. It was two lost and hurting souls finally finding someone who understood, someone different, just like us. I have never really had a family. I lost my father when I was thirteen, but we were never close. I respected him and I loved him, but we did not have much of a relationship. I would like to blame my running from you on this fact, but I cannot. It was my fault, my actions, and there is no one to blame but me. Again, Kurt, I am sorry. If my father were alive, I do not doubt that he would be very ashamed of me now. _

_ Continuing on, Raven and I did not last. As it turns out, a mutual suffering and understanding of being two physically-affected mutants in a world of normal humans is not enough to base a relationship on, and so I left once again while she stayed with her life as the Baroness. Well, I could not get her off my mind, and though it still was not love, I was lonely and went back to see if she would have me again. This was a few months later, and I found her sitting in her bedroom, speaking to her stomach. I knew immediately what had happened, and I knew it was mine. She mentioned me, talking to you, telling you what kind of man your father was. I was terrified. I had a life, a dangerous, busy life in which I never stayed in the same place for more than a few months at a time, and there was no room in it for fatherhood. Besides, Raven was married, she had money, I just hoped you would not be like me and come out with a tail, and then the Baron could be your father and you would grow up happy and healthy and loved, unlike I did. The Baron seemed a nice man, in all actuality, though Raven didn't care for him. I hoped he would be a good father to you, but Raven seemed to already adore you, and she could not even see you. I knew you would have a good life, one that I could not give you. It would have been a disservice to you to take you away from all of that, just to have to endure my poor parenting skills._

_ Still, you were my child and a responsibility, and I wanted to make sure that you at least made it into this world all right, so I checked up every so often. I often found Raven singing to you, reading to you, and just telling you how much she loved you. I even heard her pick out your name: Kurt Aleric Wagner. I would have preferred something Russian in the least, but then again, she was living in Germany and Russian names were not exactly acceptable. _

_ I found out the Baron died of a heart attack sometime during her pregnancy. He was an older man and very fat. I am sure it surprised no one. Raven persevered, though, and soon, around the ninth month, I was checking up daily. I wanted to be there when she went into labor. With two physically mutated parents, well, I did not want you to be born looking anything like us and be unprotected. I was a little late one day, the eleventh of November. I got held up somewhere else, but when I got there, she had gone into labor, and my fears were validated. She had lost her concentration as well, apparently, during the delivery and revealed herself as a mutant, but the small, backward town she lived in immediately thought you both were demons and chased you out. I went to help, but I think Raven shifted again and got away without my assistance._

_ This next part, I am very sorry to say, Kurt, but it is the truth. It is what happened. I searched for her and found her, standing on a bridge and crying. It seemed she had put you down. I did not want to surprise her, and I admit I was scared. I should not have taken so long, but when I began to approach her, I heard the townspeople again and went to fight them off. It did not take too long, but when I got back, she was gone. I went to the bridge, looking for her, and heard you crying. My heart stopped when I realized the crying was coming from the other side of the bridge, and you were falling. I teleported down and did my best to reach you. I am so glad I succeeded. Tails really are a useful thing to have. _

_ And now I had you, and did not know what to do with you. Raven was gone, and from what I had heard earlier, she was very upset for having lost her luxurious life. I am sorry, Kurt, but she blamed you. She was angry and had been through a lot. I know this hurts, but know that at one time, she loved you very much._

_ Anyway, I had to figure out what to do with you, and after wracking my brain for someone who could take you, I remembered Margali. I tracked her down quickly; I have always been very good at finding people, and went to her immediately. She gracefully agreed to take you and raise you, and I knew that you would be in good hands with her. She had always loved children. I was going to be of no use to you now that you had her, and as I said before, I would really have only done more harm than good, so I left. I didn't expect I'd ever go back, but things change, I suppose. _

_ I thought of you throughout the years. I kept track of how old you would be. In more recent years, I even made up my mind several times to find you and even bought you presents, then succumbed to weakness backed out. They are all still sitting in my closet, but I doubt you would want them. I never knew what to get you. I am getting older. I know I have changed. I see things differently, and knowing I have a son, who is also an obvious mutant, well, I cannot help but wonder how much you have had to endure for that. I feel guilty for leaving you. I hope you have not been hurt for it. I imagined Margali would do her best to protect you from it, but now I find you are not with her. I worry for you, even though I know Xavier's is a good place for you. _

_ Suffice to say, I tracked you down because I must be getting softer, and past sins are coming to eat at me. Leaving you was one of them. I should have stayed and protected you, helped you grow up, given you someone to look up to who was different like you. I'm sorry I did not do those things. From what I gathered, Margali never married so long as you were with her, so I take it you did not have a father either. I am so very sorry, Kurt. I hope one day, you can forgive me for all of this._

_ Now for the last question I promised to answer. Tracking you down really was not too hard. I started at Margali's circus, but found rather quickly that you were not there, and neither was she, for that matter, so I simply did an Internet search on your stage name and what you looked like. You are rather unique, you know. I found quickly that you were one of the X-Men, and I will admit here that I used to be on the other side of things, so I knew where your headquarters were. I told myself that after all of this detective work, I would finally go through with this all and contact you, but I did not want to be so forward as to just show up one day, claiming to be your father. So here you have this letter, which I delivered myself. I am sorry for teleporting in and violating any privacy of yours, but as I said earlier, it was urgent and I trusted no one but myself with it._

_ I will come back, just once more, to see if there is anything you have for me, if you want to write a letter of your own. I will give you one month, at least. I know it takes a bit of time to write out how you feel; it certainly took long enough for me to write this letter, but if I find nothing once the month is up, I will not bother you again. I do not promise I will be here one month to the date, but you will have plenty of time. If you choose to leave me a letter, just leave it on your desk with my name on it. I will pick it up and be on my way, and if you indicate that you should like to continue our correspondence, perhaps in a less invasive manner, I would be glad to do so. I could even begin to leave my letters in the mailbox, if you like, though I still do not trust that postal service with them. I do not live in the United States, anyway. It might be a bit difficult to get them where I am._

_ I should very much like to meet you sometime, Kurt. I understand you may want time before meeting me. I do not know what Margali told you about me, if anything; now I wonder if she even told you that you were adopted, but she must have. She had no husband. Anyway, I have had sixteen years to think about you and get up this courage to leave a letter on your desk in the night; I will grant you as much time as you need to think and prepare yourself should you like to meet me as well._

_ Again, Kurt, I am so, so very sorry for how I have wronged you and for having left you. I understand if you do not wish to see me or hear from me again, or even if you choose to leave me a letter in which you vent your frustration with me. Go ahead and do it, if you must, but I had to try. I have gone too long without doing this and you are too important for me not to. You are my son, and it is time I finally started acting like it._

_ Yours truly,_

_ Avel_

Kurt reread the letter for what must have been the thousandth time. He practically had it memorized by now, but he was still looking for that inspiration, that clarity that he hoped might come from it, and yet, it still eluded him.

Tonight would be one month from Avel's last visit exactly, and Kurt had a notebook full of unusable letters. Only one page was left, so, praying for the right words, he put the pen to paper and wrote.

_ Dear Avel, _

_ I am angry with you. I will not deny that. Very nearly everything in me feels this is either some kind of trap or that I am readying myself for some huge letdown, and about half of me just wants to scream at you for the entirety of this letter, but the other half wants to meet my father. _

_ No, I am not with Margali Szardos anymore. I miss her and my brother and sister and will always love them, but I am afraid I have much more love for them than they do for me. What happened was bad; it looked bad. I understand that, and good things have come out of it, but I wish none of that had happened. I seem to be lacking in family now, though I have the people here at the school. I am going to kindly ignore your comments about knowing where our headquarters are and being on the other side of things for now, as I will ignore your blatant trespassing and disrespect for my privacy. I expect another letter after you receive mine, but leave it under the loose brick near the fountain. My room is my room and you will not enter here again, especially while I am sleeping. _

_ I hope you realize how much I am trusting you. I know I could be risking my life here, so do not disappoint me. I think you have done enough of that, don't you? _

_ Still, I must thank you for finally getting the courage to contact me. I would be happy to finally have a father, maybe even have a family again. I do not like feeling alone._

_ Also, thank you for telling me the truth about myself, how I came to my Mama and how I got my name. I have wondered for quite some time where 'Wagner' came from. To think I was almost a Baron's son…it does not matter. I shudder to think what life would have been like with Mystique as my mother. I would not trade the happy childhood I had with my family, even with its very unhappy ending, for a life with her._

_ I have met her, and seeing as she did not even see fit to tell me for months that I was her son, and taking into consideration who she is and what she does, I would not want to know what growing up with her would have been like. I trust you are not like her, but I think we should get to know each other, and I will make this judgment. I should like to take this slow. As you said, you have had sixteen years, but I have only had one month to process all of this. We will see what comes of it. In the meantime, I will do my best to forgive you. It is what I am commanded to do after all._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Kurt._

_P.S. Thank you for saving my life and taking me to Margali. I do not overlook those things. They are very important. Thank you._

Still unsatisfied, but less so than he had been previously with all of the other letters, Kurt folded his single page and placed it in a white envelope marked 'Avel', and left it on his desk before getting ready for bed. Although, instead of climbing into his own bed, he took his pillow and blankets and found an empty dorm, opting to sleep there for the night. He wasn't entirely comfortable with someone coming in while he was asleep.


End file.
